I'm going to jail i love you
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize