he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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