I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
