do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
