Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
