The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
