just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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