Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
