I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
