When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
