trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize