Pregnant stripper...not hot.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Randomize
