"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
