fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she pinky promised me she was 18
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
