at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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