i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
