i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
