Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize