1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
