DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
