i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
