So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
