dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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