you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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