Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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