The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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