Why is your signature on my underwear?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
