my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
