I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
