dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
