Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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