This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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