Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
