did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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