my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize