i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
