I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
