i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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