I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
They have beer where we have blood.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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