Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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