Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
