I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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