I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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