Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
