Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
