Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
