I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
