i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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