i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
