well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
