At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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