I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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