Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
