hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
