Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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