The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
