I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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