Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize