You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
