Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
