how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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