I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
