I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
