u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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