what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
