I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
