it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
