Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
