Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
