wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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