i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Never joke about your clitoris.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
