Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
