We're like a lot better than the average bears
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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