I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Congratulations! We have a period
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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