I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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