that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
