Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
