This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
