I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
