I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
