my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
