I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
