what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
