I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
