Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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