Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
