Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I didn't notice because vodka
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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