You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
