it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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