Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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