i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
