I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
