Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
