life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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