I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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