the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
