If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
